Recognizing the Signs of Perfectionism: A Self-Assessment Guide

Everything always has to be just right.
Balanced. Timed perfectly. Handled without flaw.

But living like that? It’s exhausting.
And for many helpers and high-achievers, it’s not about aesthetics—it’s about survival.

Perfectionism isn’t just a personality quirk. It can be a trauma response. A way to feel in control, safe, or worthy in systems that reward overfunctioning and punish rest.

This week’s blog offers a self-assessment to help you gently explore the why behind your perfectionism—and how it’s showing up in your daily life

Perfectionism is sneaky. It doesn’t always shout with obvious signs like panic attacks, crashing out, or meltdowns. Sometimes, it whispers in the form of packed calendars, impossible standards, and chronic guilt for resting. It hides in overachieving, people-pleasing, and the quiet fear of being “not enough.”

And in helping professions, where your role is to care for others, these patterns often go unnoticed because they’re rewarded. Being available, responsive, high-performing, and “on top of things” gets praised. More often, perfectionism is rewarded with even more work and the opportunity to pick up others’ slack. But what happens when it starts to cost you your peace, well-being, and sense of self?

That’s where this self-assessment comes in.

This guide isn’t here to label you or make you feel worse. It’s a compassionate invitation to reflect—to notice the habits and beliefs that might be rooted in trauma, negative beliefs about yourself, or a learned behavior. The goal is not perfection (of course!) but gentle awareness. Without awareness, we cannot interrupt our perfectionistic patterns and practice different behaviors.

How to Use This Self-Assessment

Below are 15 statements that reflect common perfectionism patterns across three categories:

• Internal Pressure & Standards

• People-Pleasing & External Validation

• Overachievement & Burnout

For each statement, ask yourself:
How often does this feel true for me?
Use the scale below:

0 – Never
1 – Rarely
2 – Sometimes
3 – Often
4 – Always

Internal Pressure & Standards

1. I set unrealistically high standards for myself.

2. I feel anxious or ashamed when I make a mistake—even a small one.

3. I avoid trying new things unless I’m sure I’ll succeed.

4. I often think, “I should be doing more.”

5. Even when I’m praised, I focus on what I could have done better.

People-Pleasing & External Validation

1. I struggle to say “no” even when I’m overwhelmed.

2. I worry about disappointing others or being seen as unreliable.

3. I often put others’ needs before my own, even when it hurts me.

4. I base my self-worth on how much I do for others.

5. I feel like I have to “earn” rest, love, or support.

Overachievement & Burnout

1. I feel uncomfortable relaxing or being unproductive.

2. I constantly move from one task to the next without slowing down.

3. I never feel like I’ve done enough, no matter how much I accomplish.

4. I fear being seen as lazy, selfish, or not pulling my weight.

5. I measure my value by how busy or productive I am.

What Your Responses Might Be Telling You

If you found yourself answering “3” or “4” for many of these, it doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’ve developed incredibly adaptive strategies to survive in systems and roles that haven’t always supported your well-being.

Perfectionism, in many cases, is a trauma response.

It’s how we stay safe in volatile situations. How we feel in control. How we manage our environment and avoid contributing to the chaos around us.
But the cost? Chronic stress. Burnout. Disconnection from your own needs and joy. And later down the line, you will be more likely to have all sorts of health problems from cardiovascular disease to autoimmune responses.

The truth is: You are safe now. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to prove your worth through over-functioning. And you are more than what you do for others. You are perfectly enough as you are, right now.

Moving Forward with Compassion

Recognizing the signs of perfectionism is a powerful first step. And you don’t have to untangle these patterns alone. Therapy can be a supportive space to explore where these beliefs came from, how they’re impacting your life today, and how to start building new, healthier ways of relating to yourself.

I want to emphasize that perfectionism is not always unhealthy. It can be a superpower if we know how to manage and direct it. But, if not properly managed, it can be our downfall.

If this self-assessment resonated with you, I’d love to support your healing journey.

👉 Book a consultation HERE.

You deserve to rest. You deserve to feel enough. Let’s get you there—together.