“Sure, I Have Plenty of Towels…” Navigating Holiday Stress as a People Pleaser in 2025
A calm holiday scene that often contrasts with the internal stress many people pleasers and helpers feel during the season.
The holidays are marketed as a time of joy, connection, and giving. But for people pleasers, perfectionists, overfunctioners, and helping professionals who are already stretched thin, the holidays can feel like stepping into a seasonal pressure cooker.
Maybe you find yourself agreeing to host the neighborhood cookie exchange, take the lead on your family’s group text thread, buy teacher gifts for every kid in the extended family, wrap all the presents, and of course, let your cousin’s friend’s dog stay with you because “it is really no trouble at all.”
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Many therapists, nurses, teachers, first responders, and caregivers feel the holiday stress more intensely because they spend all year caring for others. December simply amplifies it.
This dynamic is hilariously captured in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Clark Griswold enthusiastically invites every relative he has ever known to stay at his house. He commits to the perfect holiday, only to slowly crumble under the weight of endless expectations. Unfortunately, many people pleasers do the same thing. You keep saying yes, hoping to make the season magical for everyone else. But at what cost to your emotional health, your relationships, and your nervous system?
The People Pleasing Trap
Being the reliable one feels good until it leaves you overwhelmed, resentful, or emotionally numb. Many helpers learned early in life that the fastest way to feel safe was to be agreeable, easy-going, self-sacrificing, or invisible. Those patterns do not magically disappear in December. In fact, the holidays usually intensify them, especially if we return to our family of origin to celebrate.
Think about Buddy in Elf. He tries so hard to win his father’s approval that he exhausts himself. He decorates the entire apartment overnight, plans elaborate surprises, and pours every ounce of effort into proving that he is lovable. While his antics are charming, his over-the-top efforts to win approval leave him exhausted and alone in the snow. Even though the movie may be silly, this is the emotional blueprint many people pleasers carry.
For therapists and healers, this trap can feel even more complicated. Real-life examples include:
Saying yes to an extra case consultation or squeezing in one more session before you take time off
Overbooking yourself before you take time off, so you start your vacation feeling exhausted
Volunteering to host the family gathering because “it is easier if I just do it.”
Feeling responsible for the emotional temperature of every room you walk into
Trying to keep the peace between relatives while ignoring your own discomfort
Being the one who remembers every gift, every dietary restriction, and every detail
You spend eleven months of the year helping everyone else regulate, soothe, and feel seen. December arrives, and suddenly, you are expected to do it on a holiday-themed difficulty setting. Here is the good news: You do not have to be the hero, the manager, or the emotional cruise director this holiday season.
Three Ways to Find Holiday Balance
1. Channel Your Inner Kevin McCallister
Kevin from Home Alone did not ask for much. He wanted pizza, a quiet house, and time to enjoy himself. He also knew how to create space for what he needed.
Taking a cue from Kevin might look like:
Blocking off a morning for coffee and silence before the festivities begin
Maintaining a regular yoga class while famliy is visiting
Saying “I am not available for that this year, but I hope it goes well”
Booking a therapy session before or after family gatherings to decompress
Choosing rest over one more holiday event
Opting out of drama simply because you do not have the capacity
In Home Alone, Kevin learns he is capable on his own terms. You can create space for yourself too.
2. Remember You Are Not Santa
In The Santa Clause, Scott Calvin becomes the literal embodiment of doing too much. He grows a beard overnight, gains weight, and finds himself responsible for the happiness of the entire world. This movie is a perfect metaphor for overfunctioning! You cannot meet every need, fix every problem, or deliver emotional gifts to everyone around you.
For therapists, healers, and helping professionals, this might look like:
Delegating tasks instead of taking them all on
Allowing others to host, cook, or plan (even if it isn’t as perfect as you would do it)
Letting someone else be the responsible one for once
Giving shorter, kinder responses instead of overexplaining your no
Letting go of the belief that you owe everyone a perfect holiday
Changing your holiday plans or traditions to be more realistic
You are a human being, not the North Pole logistics department.
3. Embrace Good Enough
Cindy Lou Who from How the Grinch Stole Christmas offers a gentle reminder that the holiday season is meant to be about connection, not perfection. No one is going to remember all of the extra work that you did, but they will remember that you were not emotionally present during the celebration.
Good enough might look like:
Store-bought cookies instead of homemade (I’m ordering dessert from a small business this year)
A smaller, simpler gathering
A gift card instead of a carefully curated present
Letting your partner take the lead on holiday decisions
Prioritizing the traditions that matter most to you
Allowing things to look like real life instead of a holiday commercial (aka mess is allowed)
Therapists and healers especially need this reminder. You do not have to perform holiday magic to be worthy of rest, love, or belonging.
The Greatest Gift
This season, give yourself the gift of boundaries. You are allowed to decline invitations, simplify your traditions, create space for rest, and take care of your nervous system. Buddy the Elf says, “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” But the truth is deeper. The best way to experience holiday joy is to sing your own tune. You deserve a season that is calm, connected, and more aligned with what you need, not what is expected of you.
Ready to Rewrite Your Holiday Story?
If this post resonates, I want you to know that you are not alone. Many therapists, helpers, caregivers, and high-achieving people pleasers reach their limit around the holidays. You don't have to navigate this season in survival mode and with Christmas cookies alone.
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